4:00 PM Opening Flag-Burning Ceremony
4:05 PM Singing of "G-D America" Led by Rev. Jeremiah Wright
4:10 PM Pledge of Allegiance (to Obama)
4:15 PM Ceremonial 'I Hate America' by Michelle Obama
4:30 PM Tips on Dodging Sniper Fire - Hillary Clinton
4:45 PM Al Sharpton Leads Castrati Choir in
Performing 'Great Balls of Fire'
5:00 PM UFO Abduction Survival - Joe Biden
5:30 PM Eliot Spitzer on 'Family Values' (via satellite)
5:45 PM Special Tribute to Delegates (all 57 states)
6:00 PM [Presidential Smoke Break]
6:30 PM Vegan hors d'oeuvres, foreign mineral water served
7:30 PM Airing of Grievances by the Clintons
9:00 PM Innovation Online by Anthony Weiner
9:15 PM Tribute Film to Freedom Fighters at Gitmo
- Michael Moore
9:45 PM Personal Finance Seminar - Charlie Rangel
10:00 PM Denunciation of Recalcitrant Gun-Clingers followed by festive Charlton Heston piñata - Rosie O'Donnell
10:45 PM Ceremonial Waving of White Flag for
Iraq and Afghanistan
11:00 PM Obama Energy Plan Symposium/Tire Gauge Demo
11:15 PM Free Governor Blagojevich Rally
11:30 PM Obama Tongue-Bath, performed by Chris Matthews
11:45 PM Feeding of the Delegates with 5 Loaves and 2 Fish - Obamessiah Presidin'
12:00 AM Official Nomination of Obama by Bill Maher
12:01 AM Obama Accepts Nomination as Lord and Savior
12:05 AM Celestial Choirs Sing
2:00 AM Goose-Stepping New Black Panthers March Past/Salute Presidential Review Stand in Honor of Now-Eternal Regime
3:00 AM Biden Delivers Acceptance Speech
Note: One omission: Memorial recognition of Obama's surrogate son, Trayvon, will be in conjunction with the 12:05 AM event.
WND Baloo TheStutteringMessiah Wikipedia h/t Roberto