25 January 2015

PJ O'Rourke's Top 10 List of Potential
2016 Presidential Contenders:


Sen. Elizabeth Warren: 

Native American ancestry — a fund-raising plus if she gets her own casino.

Warren is an expert in bankruptcy law, giving her a vision 
for our nation’s future.

As a minority, woman -and politician who chased Scott Brown into New Hampshire (showing buff chauvinist Republicans where to stick their glutes)- Warren is a triple threat.

She masterminded the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau, making Americans feel so financially protected. (US consumer spending rose 
0.4 % in June!)

And she turned left — the only direction GPS units give in the hybrid cars that vegan aroma therapist Democratic primary voters drive.


Hillary Rodham Clinton:

Hillary retains her iron grip on second place.

Whoever’s out in front of her is so far out front we don’t know who it is. (At this point in 2006, the current president was as likely to be nominated as a small-time community organizing junior Senator from Illinois with a name like somebody who tried to blow up an airplane with an underpants bomb.)

Hillary carries more baggage than the Boeing she used as secretary of state, visiting every country that later blew up or fell to pieces in her quest to fulfill the secretary of state’s mission, which is to accumulate frequent flier miles.

On the upside, she’s familiar with the White House — knows where the extra toilet paper is stored and where the spare key to the nuke attack briefcase is hidden (Truman Balcony, second pillar from the right).

And there’s no threat of Bill campaigning for her. The ex-First Lady has improved her aim with candy dishes and table lamps...



Vice President Joe Biden:

Joe on Barack Obama: “You got the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy.”

Joe on diversity: “In Delaware, the largest growth of population is Indian Americans, moving from India. You cannot go to a 7-11 or a Dunkin’ Donuts unless you have a slight Indian accent. I’m not joking.”

Joe expressing his faith in Obamacare: “I’m told Chuck Graham, state senator, is here. Stand up Chuck, let ’em see you.” (Former Missouri State Senator Chuck Graham is paraplegic.)

Joe on Obama’s foreign policy: “Watch, we’re going to have an
international crisis.”

Has anyone ever spoken for the common man like Joe?



Former VP Al Gore:

Another Dem who has been a heartbeat (or a lamp bash) away from
being president.

He won a Nobel Peace Prize for... I’ll get back to you on that.

And our Middle East policy is in good hands with Al. He sold his worthless Current TV cable network to Al Jazeera for $500 million.
Al knows how to deal with these people.

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