Ten best quotes from South Carolina state Troopers-
as gathered by police band radio monitors
1. "If you run... you'll only go to jail tired, son."
2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new.
They'll stretch after you wear them a while."
3. "If you take your hands off the car,
I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
4. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you
not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
5 "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second?
Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."
7 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not: was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
8 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, 'fair' is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."
9 "Yeah, we have a quota- two more tickets
and my wife gets a toaster oven!"
10 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets?
You're right, we don't... sign here."