19 April 2011

Down South, them State Troopers
Have a Way with Words...

Ten best quotes from South Carolina state Troopers-
as gathered by police band radio monitors

1.  "If you run... you'll only go to jail tired, son." 

2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new.
They'll stretch after you wear them a while." 

3. "If you take your hands off the car,
I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document." 

4. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you
not to do that again or I'll give you
 another ticket."

5 "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second?
Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you." 

6 "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?" 

7 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not: was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?" 

8 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, 'fair' is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop." 

9 "Yeah, we have a quota- two more tickets
and my wife gets a toaster oven!" 

10 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets?
You're right, we don't... sign here."

-Gracias Roberto-


innominatus said...

And the winner goes to... #10. LOL.

Reaganite Republican said...

Agreed lolol

Libertarian Advocate said...

My vote: 7

Maggie@MaggiesNotebook said...

No. 10 but I wouldn't want to be her.

Matt said...


Good one RR.

Red said...

#10 = OUCH!

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Number 10 is a great one, but they were all funny.

Trestin said...

The birth certificate one is classic.

FelixAndAva said...

I saw video of #10 on "World's Dumbest" on TruTV (Drivers, episode 9). An all-time favorite, which I would dearly love to have on my iTouch when I need a laugh.

#1 through #9 are all amusing, too. I especially liked the one about the birth certificate. :)

Reaganite Republican said...

Gallows humor, of a sort isn't it

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