29 January 2013

N. KOREA: Cannibalism, Human Fertilizer, and 'Rapider, More and Exacter!'

The latest rallying cry emanating from the DPRK's new
Dear Leader 
Kim Jong Un (they call this one 'Supreme Leader') 
-who apparently seeks to develop computer skills amongst the zombified populace he inherited- is the super-catchy 
(their translation) 'Rapider, More, and Exacter!'

Confusion grows as you hear the plan is based on the BIG rollout what they say is a 'North Korean-built' notebook... one that looks an awful lot like the $70 Chinese-made Sylvania 7-inch 'netbook' sold at CVS (a surprise perhaps only to those who thought the Norks made their own Lincoln Continentals).

The DPRK has also introduced their own operating system/search engine- dubbed 'Red Star/My Country', both designed to stay within a walled North Korean intranet that's 'tailored to Korean traditions... and with no access whatsoever to the actual internet- not even filtered, censored, and site-blocked as in China.

computer class: looks like they picked-up
some CRT displays at a garage sale in Seoul

But any world -even a state-dominated virtual one- has got to be preferable to the reality-on-the-ground for millions of hapless souls stuck in the impoverished North Korean countryside: chillingly, fresh reports of cannibalism have been trickling out , and not just among the 200K starving in North Korean gulags: the gruesome practice appears to have become the only means of survival -as in a mountain plane crash- for poor farm collectives who've had the lion's share of their season harvest confiscated by the Army for use by the elite/party members in the capital Pyongyang.

The practice has resulted in stories like this: a father from a small North Korean village was recently executed by firing squad for killing and eating his children: seems he waited till the Mrs. was away on a work-related trip, then proceeded to kill their daughter for food. Unfortunately for the victim's brother, he happened across the act and had to be 'taken care of' as well. The woman turned the hungry hubby in to the authorities when she returned to any empty apartment and was told simply
'We have meat!'.

But life's no less precarious in the higher echelons of Nork society: the generals and aparatchiks might not be starving in Pyongyang, but look at Kim Jon Un the wrong way -or make the mistake of smiling during the official Kim Jong Il 'mourning period'- and you'll find yourself executed promptly, the preferred method these days being forced to stand on an 'X' on the ground at attention while an Army mortar battalion zeroes-in a round on that same spot... then *poof* 'not even a hair left'.

In other Nork news, human fertilizer (poop!) has been a real hot seller in official state stores, made available in desperation to replace the modern, chemical kind of fertilizer the South Koreans used to send them before eternal DPRK belligerence put and end to much cross-border trade...

Socialist paradise = yummy!

But to be fair, it's not all barbecued toddlers and boxes of poop in North Korea: the government just announced progress in development of a new, healthy 'potato beverage' for the general enjoyment of the population (not Polish vodka) consisting of 'potato acidophilus milk, potato yogurt, potato calpis (wtf?), potato acid sweet juice, potato juice, potato black tea, and
green tea'... yuk

Workers at 'Pyongyang Automation Appliances Factory' take oath 
to 'mercilessly frustrate the hostile policy against the DPRK 
of the United States and its following forces'

How they intend to do this at a toaster factory would be anyone's guess...

The Daily Mail   N Korea Watch   Rodong   North Korea Tech   
DailyNK   CVS   Engadget   Toonpool

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