05 October 2012

Lady Gaga’s New Upper West Side NYC Restaurant 'Worst Thing Since Herpes'

New York Daily News: 'One star'


Well, the reviews are in on the new Joanne Trattoria restaurant (Italian, expensive) that mega pop-star Lady Gaga recently opened on the Upper West Side of Manhattan with/for her parents.  That sounds like a nice gesture, and hard not to respect the gratitude. 

 Shame about the food though, which sounds like overpriced 
hog slop:

When a wan Caprese salad with mealy tomatoes and cloying balsamic costs $18, should a server quip that cheese is sourced from “whoever gets it to us cheapest”...?

When a restaurant charges $18 for fried calamari, should the dish arrive so sloppily plated that it looks like the kitchen threw it back in the bowl after dropping it? 

Should the appetizer glow with grease or boast more breadcrumbs than squid?  And should the accompanying marinara sauce taste like a powdered mix? 

The most edible appetizer, baked stuffed mushrooms ($14), still wouldn't pass muster in a diner. Eight caps are stuffed with breadcrumbs and shoved onto a tiny iron skillet, whose surface glistens with oil. The dominant note of this icky, mushy octet is salt. Seven of them are left abandoned on the serving platter... 

Eggplant Parmesan ($24) arrives a gloppy, sloppy, flavorless mess whose net effect is the culinary equivalent of old cars in a massive pileup. A skin of barely melted cheese only worsens the pain. 

 I don’t know the Germanottas’ Aunt Josephine, but I imagine she’s a doll with a warm, welcoming cucina and a big heart to match. 

So why did the poor dear lend her name to Joanne’s Meat Lasagna ($26)? This is the Potemkin Village of lasagnas, an appealing surface that gives way to neutered meat, cheese and sauce. When your first impulse is to add salt to this Italian dish, you know you’re in trouble...


Small wonder
.